Olivia Black
by EmMcD Black
Summary: Sirius Black is in prison, and no one seems to notice the pain it's causing the girl he never let anyone know he was in love with. One shot.


A/N: This one shot is dedicated to my real life Olivia, who has her fair share of connections to the one I put in here, though I hope not the way... oh, wait, spoiler. Hm. I love you, Livs. You rock! Also, as usual, to Lily, who continues to amaze and inspire me on a day to day basis.

"Sirius. Where is he? He-- he was the Secret Keeper, wasn't he?" The woman's voice demanded frantically, speeding up as she caught sight of Albus Dumbledore.

"Olivia." Dumbledore said mournfully, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Is it true, Albus? Is it true that Lily and James are d-dead? What did he do to S-Sirius to get the information from him?" Olivia asked shakily, and Dumbledore stepped forward and sat her down on a bench in the courtyard separating the grounds from the school.

"Olivia, Sirius gave the information willingly. Tonight, after James and Lily were killed by Lord Voldemort, Sirius Black killed Peter Pettigrew and twelve muggles. Sirius is being taken to Azkaban as we speak." He said sadly, and Olivia broke into anguished wails of disbelief.

"No, Professor! No, that can't be right! Albus, Sirius never would have... he hated everything You-Know-Who stood for, he never would have, that's not him! Professor, I know him... I'd just moved him into my flat last month... Albus, please..." She cried, and Dumbledore's arms wrapped around her. Olivia had been an active Order member, alongside Sirius, and one of his most gifted students while at Hogwarts. He truly cared for her.

"I know, Ms. Jakeson. I thought the same thing. Sometimes those who we think we know best can betray us in the worst possible way." He told her, and she broke away from him.

"I- I have to go, Professor. I have to go." She mumbled, and set off across the grounds at a brisk pace, tears coursing down her face. She slowed by the loch, and toyed with the small, white gold band that lay on the third finger of her left hand, a miniscule black diamond set into it, protruding only the slightest from the band. Sirius would have killed her if she had told anyone what he had wanted for them. It was going to be a small wedding, just them, James and Lily. And Harry. As soon as the Fidelius charm was lifted for good, as soon as James was free.

Sirius had known that that would never happen, if he had betrayed them. It had all been a joke to him. He never realy wanted to marry her.

It was just like Sirius Sodding Black to do that to her.

She tore the ring off, and chucked it into the lake.

"I hate him! I hate him!" She shouted. She wanted to believe it.

But she couldn't.

She watched the spot where the ring had hit the water, and imagined it sinking, gliterring in the moonlight like a dewdrop caught in the sun.

She raced out of the grounds, and into Hogsmeade. Rosmerta had a safe Disapparition point behind her bar. Olivia Disapparated from Hogsmeade and reappeared, in the dark, in the lounge of her London flat. She collapsed on the sofa, and cried herself to sleep, releasing all the pent-up fear and anger that had been stored inside her for the last year.

Olivia woke at two in the morning, and reached out absently for Sirius.

She tumbled off the couch with a hard thud, which jolted her back to reality.

Tears sprung to her eyes. Sirius may have betrayed Lily and James Potter, but he had betrayed her as well. And she could not yet get past that to mourn the loss of two of her best friends. She supposed it was easier to mourn this loss than to realise Lily and James were gone.

It still wasn't easy. She stumbled to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the near side of the bed- even though it was Sirius's. She hugged his pillow tightly to her, and breathed in the scent of him that still lingered on it.

Sirius had killed the two people who had meant the most to him. He was killing her.

"_Olivia," Sirius said breathlessly, bursting into the tearoom at St. Mungo's. _

"_S-Sirius..." Olivia murmured, rising and running to him. She collapsed into her friend's grasp, crying. Sirius was caught off guard, unsure of what to do. Olivia was tough, a prankster, like him. She never let down her guard, and here she was, crying... _

"_Shh. It's okay, it's okay." He mumbled, and she cried harder. _

"_That's just it!" She yelled, breaking free of him, "It's NOT okay! And no matter how much I tell myself that, it still isn't!" She kicked the low table on which sat a tray of tea, and a cup flew off the end. _

"_Olivia... I don't know what to do... no one I know has ever..." Sirius, for once in his life, was at a loss for words. _

_Olivia kicked the table again, and plopped down on the little loveseat before it, wiping away her tears. _

"_Will you talk to me?" She asked, and he nodded, sitting next to her and taking her hand. _

_Olivia examined their entwined hands for a moment. This was a side of Sirius she had never seen. He was showing emotion, showing he cared. _

"_When I was nine, my Mum sent me to my Muggle grandmother's for a day while my dad was away on business," Olivia said coldly, sniffing a little at the mention of her dad, "Grandmum kept me for two days. When I went home after lunch on the third day with Dad... Mum wasn't there. I asked about her for days, and, finally, Dad side-alonged me to a Muggle hospital." Olivia leaned into Sirius, needing him close to continue. _

_She stayed silent for a while, gathering her thoughts. She listened to the steady rise and fall of Sirius's breathing. Knowing he was there, silent, listening, helped. Knowing that he didn't want her to continue until she wanted to. _

"_It wasn't like normal hospitals. It was small. It reminded me of the Muggle nursing home we kept my Muggle Granddad in. Only most of the people there were young... some were barely older than me... Dad took me to a room with bars on the windows, and a locked door. He had the key..." Olivia stopped, immersed in the memory. She didn't realise she was shaking until Sirius squeezed her hand..._

"_The room was white, and sterile. There was nothing in it, except a picture of me and Mum, in a wooden frame, with no glass... Mum was in the cot, asleep. There was a hard green sofa by the window, which had bars on the inside, and little wires in a crisscross pattern so that you couldn't stick your hand through. Mum was a Muggle, Sirius." Olivia informed him, and he squeezed her hand again. _

"_The afternoon she sent me to Gran's... she had tried to kill herself. Muggles have a sort of potion they take to help them sleep, and she took a whole bottleful, then filled up the bathtub and fell asleep. She would have died, if Dad hadn't come home an hour later. They sorted her out, at that place. They said she was safe at home, that she would die naturally, at an old age." Olivia said, fresh tears sparkling agains the startling backdrop of her bright green eye, the only one Sirius could see. He could picture the liquid blue of the other perfectly, though. _

"_But your Mum is dead." Sirius said quietly, after what seemed like a lifetime of silence. _

"_She killed herself second year. That's why I missed the end of term exams."_

_They sat in cold silence for a while. _

"_Why...?" Sirius said, and Olivia clenched his hand tighter. _

"_She suffered from a mental disease called Depression. It's hereditary, in most cases." Olivia replied quietly, brushing a strand of curly brown hair out of her face. _

"_Hereditary... like..." Sirius didn't want to voice it._

"_I could have it, too." Olivia whispered._

"_Liv, you'd tell me, if you ever... I mean, don't..." Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times, like a fish out of water. _

"_I've never told anyone about that, Seer. It's just... Dad dying so young, for a wizard... it brings it all back." She leaned in to Sirius, taking deep breaths._

"_Liv, I wouldn't be able to bear it if you did something like that to yourself," Sirius said in a rush, "So please, just tell me if there's ever anything wrong, okay? I don't... I don't want you to go, too." _

"_I won't, Seer. I've considered it, but..." Olivia flushed, turning away._

"_But what?" Sirius pressed, turning her face back towards him. _

"_I have you." She mumbled, and pressed her lips to his gently. _

_Sirius barely responded, which was unlike him. He wanted to give her the chance to do it herself, didn't want to make her do anything she didn't want. _

_Which was very, very unlike Sirius Black. _

Dumbledore leant back in his chair and sighed.

Sirius Black was not a killer. How had this happened?

He recalled Olivia Jakeson storming off after his chat with her.

What he had told her was true, he had thought as he watched her retreating figure pause by the loch, those we trust turn their backs on us at the worst of moments. They do things we never believe possible of them.

Dumbledore pulled a heavy silver chain out from his robes, from which hung a heavy silver circle, with what looked like a triangular eye on it. He turned the circle over thoughtfully in his palm, a jolt going through him as he recalled Grindelwald, the man he thought he could entrust his heart to.

He understood Olivia more than he hoped she would ever have to know.

_Sirius was nervous. Wait, that didn't sound like Sirius. Anyone who knew him could tell you that. Sirius, nervous before a date? Yeah, right. And Lily Potter was a virgin when she married James. _

_But it was true. Sirius was nervous. It wasn't the normal pre-date nervous- though Sirius wouldn't know that, because he never had been nervous before a date. But if someone could have analyzed it for him, they would have been able to tell him that it wasn't. _

_He wasn't worried about what to wear, what they were going to talk about, what she would think of him, or any of that shit. No, because Sirius didn't get nervous over that stuff. Well, he might have been a little nervous about what to wear, but seeing as what he had chosen was the same black robes she saw him in every day, he wasn't too worried. _

_No, for the first time, he was nervous because this was not going to be easy. Going out with Olivia was not going to be a romantic dinner and then back to her place for a shag, then leaving before the sun rose and never seeing her again. Because he knew Olivia. And he didn't really plan on shagging her... yet. _

_This would also be the first girl he went out with who knew where he lived. Which was, for Sirius (being quite the cad), a little bit of a frightening prospect. _

_So Sirius paced. Pacing was not something Sirius had ever done before, and he quickly grew bored with it. How did people do that? He slumped down on the couch and grabbed a half empty bottle of firewhiskey from the coffee table. He yanked the cork out and sucked down enough to make him a little goofy, and a little too relaxed. _

_There was a knock on the door. He stuffed the cork back in the bottle and set it on top of the liquor cabinet on his way to answer the door. _

_Sirius Black realised, perhaps a bit too late, that he was never going to go on a first date again. _

_Remus_, was the first thing Olivia thought when she woke up the next morning. He was the last Marauder left... he must feel even worse than she did. She slid on a tattered pair of jeans that had paint splatters all over them from a paint charm gone wrong, and a t-shirt the Marauders had had custom made at a Muggle shop that read _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good _ on the front, and _mischief mangaged_ on the back. It had been Sirius's, so it was rather large, but he had worn it two days ago, and it smelled like him.

Olivia realised she was acting as though he were dead, and then reminded herself that, in a way, he was.

"Remus's Flat," She said as she stepped into the fireplace, and she came out in a ratty looking lounge.

"Reme?" She called tentatively, and he appeared, shirtless, wearing only flannel bottoms, from his room. He looked horrible.

"Olivia." He said hoarsely, and she pursed her lips, biting back tears.

"Remus... you look like hell." She said quietly, and he stared at her.

"Really? Did you expect me to be skipping about? Three of my best friends are dead, Liv, and the fourth may as well be." He spat. It was very... unlike... Remus to be so touchy.

"No, Remus. But... you really do look awful." Olivia said, and he collapsed onto the sofa that he stood in front of, crying heartily.

"Last night was a full moon, Liv. I could have done something, if it weren't for my blasted Lycanthropy. I could have done something," He wailed, and she plopped down next to him, holding him.

"Remus... you couldn't have done anything," She insisted, and he shook his head.

"Sirius was here, with me last night! The moon was rising early, so he came over round four. It's easier with him there. A patronus came, and I was in no fit state to answer it, and he was gone by the time I'd changed back. He left a note, saying there was an emergency he had to see to. Liv... I could have stopped him." Remus insisted hoarsely, and Olivia shook her head.

"Remus, if he hadn't been with you, he'd have been with me. It's not your fault. No matter who he was with last night, he would have found an excuse and ditched them. We couldn't have done anything. Don't blame yourself, Remus. He'd be gone no matter what you could have done." Olivia said, and Remus stood up, studying her.

"Olivia... you're wearing his clothes. You're acting as if he were dead." Remus pointed out, and Olivia shrugged.

"Doesn't it feel like it, Remus?" She said, and he sat back down.

"It does." He agreed, and they sat there, arms curled tightly around each other, mourning.

During their time at Hogwarts, there had been four Marauders. Afterwards, James married Lily and there were five. Five and a half when they were pregnant with Harry, six last July. There had been seven three weeks ago, when Sirius proposed to Olivia.

The two remaining Marauders sat on a grey, tattered sofa, both knowing that they would never be whole again.

"_So, Olivia. You know how James and Lily fucked up their lives and went and got married?" Sirius teased, toying with a strand of Olivia's short brown hair. Two glasses of wine were suspended in the air between them, and Olivia was a little worried that they would spill on the white couch. Sirius had moved in last night, and they were throwing themselves a housewarming party. His idea. They were both drunk. _

"_Yeah." Olivia hummed happily, her foot tapping out an unsteady rhythym on the hardwood floor. _

"_I was wondering... do you want to fuck up our lives?" Sirius said, leaning closer to Olivia and gazing into her mismatched eyes. _

"_I think... that a fucked up life sounds wonderful." Olivia breathed, only slightly sure Sirius was serious. If you could pardon the pun. _

"_Mm. I'm glad." Sirius said, and Olivia pressed her lips to his for a quick kiss. _

"_Are you serious?" She asked breathily, leaning back a little to study her expression. _

"_Who'd you think I was, Remus?" He replied, grinning. _

"_No, I meant... do you really want to marry me?" Olivia clarified, blushing a little. _

_Sirius considered her. Of course he wanted to marry her. He may be drunk, but it had been a week ago he had bought the ring, and he had thought about it nonstop every day since. There was no doubt in his mind that Olivia was the one. Not only was she bloody brilliant on a broom, but she had found just as much joy in a good prank at school as the four Marauders. She didn't mind getting drunk, and she could hold quite a few before she got to that point. Plus, when she was drunk, she didn't get all slutty like most girls. _

_Olivia didn't expect huge things from Sirius. It had been he that moved into her place. Olivia trusted him, even though she had seen him give plenty of girls reason not to over the years. Not to mention, every minute he spent with her he would spend days mulling over in his head, happy that she wanted to be with him. _

_Plus, she was a half blood. Mum would be livid. He'd have to write Regulus for a minute by minute description of her reaction. _

"_Yes. I think I've known I was going to marry you for a long time." Sirius said, betraying only a moment of soppiness._

"_Why is that? Because I'm a Hufflepuff, and a half blood?" Olivia teased, and Sirius laughed._

"_Too right, my dear." He said, taking his glass of wine and holding it up in a toast before tipping it back and downing it. _

Olivia Masin ran a hand over her face. Her husband was hurrying about their flat, packing his things. It was three years to date since Sirius had 'died', one since she had married Kenneth Masin, the much despised seeker for the Chudley Cannons.

Olivia was towards the end of her first pregnancy, and it was clear that Kenneth was terrified of leaving her alone. She could hardly move from her spot in the bed, he brought her all her meals there, and she spent her days reading and her nights trying to sleep.

"Olivia, are you sure you want me to go? I mean, I could stay home, you need someone to take care of you..." He said frantically, waving his wand so that it threw some folded socks in his Cannons bag.

"It's okay, Ken, Remus is going to come over and help out at meal times. In fact, he should be here in a few minutes, and you're already late for your Portkey. Go, I'll be fine." Olivia insisted.

"You promise you'll Patronus right away, if anything happens? Anything?" Kenneth checked, and Olivia nodded boredly.

"Right then, I'm off." He said, swinging the bag onto his shoulder and kissing her on the cheek.

Remus appeared moments later, just as Olivia was changing. He stared at her for a moment before having the decency to block his eyes.

"Geez, Liv, I haven't seen you in months, you're _huge_," He said, and she laughed.

"You can look now, Remus, I've put a top on." She said, and he opened his eyes. She was wearing a magically enlarged t-shirt that looked too familiar.

"You've still got this? After all this time?" Remus asked hoarsely, staring at the legend on the front of the shirt. _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_.

"It's only been three years, Reme. Today." She replied quietly, and Remus sighed.

"I've been thinking about it all day." He said, and she nodded.

"Me, too. It doesn't get easier." She said, and he slid into bed next to her, kicking his trainers off into the corner of the room.

"No. I don't think it ever will."

"It got easier with Mum and Dad. I hardly ever think about it with them anymore... so why is this one so hard?"

"It's because of what he did to them. It's because of why they died." Remus explained quietly, absently stroking her wand hand, which lay on top of the bedsheets.

"Yeah." She mumbled, and he scooted closer to her.

"So have you thought of names for Junior, here?" He asked, a little too brightly, patting her stomach fondly.

"Kenneth likes Ursula for a girl, but I think it's right disgusting. I suggested Mary. And we both like the same name for a boy..." Olivia trailed off, embarrassed.

"Hm?" Remus prodded, and Olivia sighed.

"We both like James." She informed him, and she saw his expression harden.

"So do I." He said, a little coldly, though she knew it was not a cold meant for her.

"Hmm. I think Junior needs to be fed." Olivia said after a few moments of silence, and Remus left. She listened to Remus puttering around in the kitchen, and sighed.

"It'll never get easier." She murmured, stroking her huge midsection as she felt the child inside squirm.

_A thin, tall girl was curled up, crying, at the top of the Astronomy tower. _

_Sirius watched her from under James' cloak, unsure of what to do. It was only his second year at Hogwarts, and he wasn't quite sure if he really recognized the girl. He couldn't see her face. Unthinkingly, he scuffed his shoe against the cobblestone floor, and her head snapped up at the noise. _

_Oh. Olivia Jakeson. A Hufflepuff. _

_Sirius had come up here to do, ultimately, the same thing she was. He had received a letter from Mum that day, saying he couldn't come home for Christmas, because his cousins were going to be staying with them, and she didn't want their father to mock her for spawning a Gryffindor. Sirius was more upset than he should have been. He hated going home for Christmas, Easter, and Summer. But no one from Gryffindor was staying this year, and he would be all alone. Not even all the teachers were staying. _

"_Who's there?" Olivia demanded, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her robe. _

_Sirius threw a handkerchief at her, then whipped off the Cloak. _

"_I'm Sirius. I'm in your year. I came up here to, um..." He stared at the Cloak, which was turning invisible and visible and back again as he turned it over against his hand. _

"_Do whatever you were going to do. I was just leaving." Olivia said, standing shakily, starting towards him, and then slumping back down. Something wasn't right about the way she had sat, and Sirius knelt down by her. She was panting heavily, and, despite the frigid cold, was sweating profusely. _

_Sirius recognised the signs from when Mum had gone on a new "diet" two years ago. _

"_Olivia... when was the last time you ate?" Sirius asked, and Olivia shrugged._

"_Two days ago." She mumbled. Sirius sighed. _

"_And why haven't you been eating?" He asked, scooping her up without hestiation and draping the cloak over both of them. He was pretty strong, he had to carry Regulus round a lot for various pranks. Most of them targeted his sleeping brother. _

"_I got a letter from home." Olivia stated simply, and Sirius didn't press the matter as he carried her down the steps and towards the Hospital Wing. He knew what those could be like. He took her to the hospital wing and explained to Madam Pomfrey, who was kind enough not to give the two of them detentions. He didn't know why, but he stayed by Olivia's bedside all night, watching her sleep. _

_He left sometime early the next morning, before she woke up. _

_Olivia Jakeson never remembered what he had done for her, which was fine by him. _

Godric, Merlin, God... whoever was up there, had some serious grudge against Olivia Jakeson. She was lying in bed at her flat, listening to a Muggle station on the wireless.

Two years ago, Kenneth Masin had divorced Olivia and taken full custody of their only child. She didn't blame him, really, when all she did was mope about, thinking about Sirius. It had started when he broke out of Azkaban, and hadn't stopped since. Most nights, she drank herself into a stupor with a bottle of firewhiskey, then dreamed endlessly of him. She had written to Remus a few times, but hardly saw him at all, because both of them could hardly bear the reminder anymore. The reminder of what once was, what could have been.

Olivia sighed, rolling over and glancing at the photograph on her bedside table, of her and Sirius by some loch in Scotland, on vacation the summer after school had ended.

It was late May, early June. Olivia didn't know which, because she didn't pay attention anymore. It was rumored that last year, Lord Voldemort had come back.

Olivia couldn't quite believe it, but found herself doing so anyway, because Dumbledore said so.

She hummed along to whatever song was playing on the radio, though she didn't know the tune.

If she had listened, she would have heard the lyrics.

_I know it's sad, but if the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave me? I know it's mad, but if I go to Hell would you come with me or just leave me? Just leave me?_

A streak of silver light burst through the room, and a silver phoenix perched on her lamp, looking at her expectantly.

"Go on." She told it. It spoke in the voice of Albus Dumbledore.

"_Olivia, I would like to speak to you. Please come to my office as soon as it fits your convenience." _ The Phoenix said, before bursting into silver flame. Olivia had nothing better to do, so she slid on some more decent clothes, realising that that included, by chance, her favorite t-shirt, which had been Sirius's. She Disapparated, reappearing outside of the Hog's Head, and marching through Hogsmeade up to the castle.

She arrived in Dumbledore's office twenty minutes later, and was surprised to find Remus there. She hadn't seen him in ages. He probably wasn't too happy to see her wearing Sirius's shirt again, but she didn't really care, much.

She plopped down in the chair that was not occupied by her favorite lycanthropic schoolmate, and looked at Dumbledore.

"Olivia, two nights ago, Sirius Black died within the Department of Mysteries, at the Ministry of Magic. We feel you have the right to know that he was discovered innocent, and has never killed in his life," Dumbledore said gently, and Olivia blinked.

"Liv, I understand if you're angry at me, but... I knew two years ago. I didn't want to tell you because... he told me about his proposal, the first night we really talked, after we put him into hiding, after he was freed from Azkaban. I didn't want you to get your hopes up that you would be able to havet hat life with him... I'm sorry about that. You should have had two years with him that you didn't, because I'm..."

"A git? Yeah." Olivia said coolly, and disappeared from the room, confused and lost.

She moved silently through the grounds, down to the edge of the loch, at roughly the same spot that she had stood all those years ago.

She raised her wand, pointing it at the lake.

"_Accio Ring_" She said, and the small white gold circle rocketed towards her, where she caught it deftly between forefinger and thumb.

"I love you, Sirius." She whispered to the ring, then polished off the rust from years of sitting at the bottom of the lake, and slid it onto her finger.

Olivia Black knew that she would never feel the same without him, but at leas now she knew that he had always loved her.

She sat down on the bank of the lake, and cried for the loss of her love, the loss of her life, and the loss of his life. Sirius Black wasn't dead, though.

That was why she wore his shirt. Because some day, he would see her in it, and know that she had never forgotten.

And she never would.


End file.
